5 tips for a successful relationship from a divorce expert

Monday, 17 September, 2018

The title of this article may well have left you feeling confused and asking: “how can someone that helps people end their marriages give advice on how to have a successful relationship?”

At first glance, it seems a perfectly reasonable question. Think about it for just a moment, however, and it all becomes clear.

For a third of my life, I’ve been helping people to end their marriages in the UK. When filing for a divorce here, it’s not enough to state that the marriage has broken down and, if the person filing has not been living separately from their spouse for at least two years, they often need to provide specific examples of their spouse’s behaviour that they found to be unacceptable. Such applications are common, so common, in fact, that the majority of divorce applications filed in courts in England contain these reasons. To put it another way, I’ve been told, first-hand, why marriages have ended on literally thousands of occasions.

So, I’ve mined my experiences to provide you with five tips that’ll help you strengthen and maintain your relationship:

1. Put your phone down

Over the past two decades, phones and mobile technology have gone from being something seldom seen to a piece of technology as omnipresent as televisions. Over this time, they’ve also become more advanced and now do considerably more than make calls. This is largely a good thing: it’s easier to stay in touch with people, to remain organised and to entertain ourselves. On the other hand, though, they’re often bad for marriages.

One of the most common complaints put forward by unsatisfied spouses is that their other halves are simply spending too much time on their phones and not enough time communicating with them.

Spending time on your phone browsing Facebook, playing games and Snapchatting away is fine, of course, just make sure it doesn’t dominate your home life. Personally, my wife and I have banned phones after 7pm. Not only has this helped us to communicate more, but I feel more relaxed in the evenings and sleep better too.

2. Make an effort to listen

After a long, hard day, it’s all-too-easy to switch-off and simply hear rather than listen. From time to time, this is fine and downtime is something that spouses should, in my experience, afford their partners. That said, however much daily life may sap your energy, it’s vital that you make the effort to listen to your husband/wife and, most importantly, demonstrate that you are with meaningful interaction.

3. Make time for fun

When did you last have a date night? If you need to think before answering, it’s been too long!

Put simply, we need to have fun and, more importantly, a married couple needs to have fun together. What’s more, this is a great opportunity to prove that you’ve been listening to your spouse: think of your recent conversations and use these to think of something they’d love to do, make the necessary arrangements, then give them a great surprise.

4. Give them a break

We all make mistakes, that can’t be disputed. Being able to accept this is vital to our self-esteem so if a spouse is overly critical of their partner’s mistakes, this can have serious ramifications – not just for the marriage, but also for their mental health.

So, cut your spouse some slack. It’ll make them happier and they’ll certainly return the favour.

5. Do things for them

I bet you read that and immediately thought about a grand romantic gesture! As wonderful as such acts are, though, performing them on a consistent basis is likely to prove impossible.

Instead, focus on little things like running your partner a bath, cooking them dinner, cleaning the house etc. This will give them more time to relax and they’re certain to be grateful.

This article was submitted by, Jay Williams, a case manager at Quickie Divorce, one of the largest providers of uncontested divorce solutions in England and Wales.
He lives in Cardiff, Wales, with his wife and two-year-old daughter Eirys.

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Jay Williams, Case Manager, Quickie Divorce.