Researchers have warned that people who are experiencing problems within their marriage should not rush straight to divorce.

A recently published survey of married Americans reported that one in four people had thought about divorce at some point during the preceding six months.

However, when the same people were asked the question again just 12 months later, around fifty percent of those who said in the first poll that they had considered divorce had changed their minds since then.

The survey was conducted by researchers from the University of Alberta in Canada and Brigham Young University in Utah. The team polled 3,000 people between the ages of 25 and 50 who had been married for at least one year. It’s not clear whether or not the polled both spouses.

While some of those who had considered divorce kept it secret from their spouse, around 40 percent had discussed divorce with their partners and 20 percent “kind of” made it pretty clear.

Adam Galovan, co-author of the study is a family scientist at the University of Alberta’s Human Ecology department.

Galovan said that marriage “has its ebbs and flows” and that “a lot of them just need some time”.

Three categories of people who were thinking about divorce were created from the survey. The groups were labelled the “soft”, “serious” and “conflicted”. Those in the soft group did not think about the prospect very often, while the serious group did so more frequently. The people in the conflicted group faced much more serious marital problems with issues such as infidelity, abuse or a spouse’s drug use listed as the main issues.

Surprisingly, the researchers found that those in the conflicted group were the most optimistic about the possibility of saving their marriage. However, in the end, they turned out to be the most likely to go on to separate and go through with divorce.

The conflicted group was also the most religious, explained Galovan. This “might have given a little bit of credence to their hope” he mentioned, adding that “maybe they, for religious reasons, didn’t want to divorce and were hopeful for change”.

Last year, a survey of British divorcees and separated spouses revealed that only 22 per cent of them regretted splitting from their partner.

An older survey sourced from the Australian Institute of Family Studies (1999), revealed approximately the same result for women in Australia with 22.1 percent of women regretting the divorce and while more men, at just over 30 percent, admitted they had regrets.

Usually one or both partners will go through intense feelings of grief and loss at the time of separation and it’s common for this to resurface at a similar intensity again when the divorce is granted, even if that is many years later.

The feelings of loss can be deepened if one person has moved on more quickly and has less regret, or at least displays less grief than the other. If this is the case for you, please seek professional counselling to help you to process your emotions and move towards a happier, more satisfying life for yourself. Visit our resources page to find options near you.

Published by, Christine Weston
Founding Director and Creator of Divorce Resource

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