There can be a tremendous benefit gained from counselling through the process of preparing to separate ... even if your spouse is unwilling or unknowing.

For some people, relationships may just suddenly appear to end when their partner walks out, and this can take many by surprise.

For the person ending the relationship, often they have been preparing to leave for quite some time. When the relationship ends, it can be very stressful and traumatic on all parties involved. It has a ripple effect out to immediate family, friends and impacts the workplace.

Often people get caught up in their personal issues, attacking, defending, trying their best to look after their own needs. They may have well-meaning input from close friends and family who have a tendency to take sides to protect the ones they care about and love. Being an emotional time, often objectivity can be challenging, as there is a lot of hurt and pain going around.

As a generalisation, our society is not set up in a way that truly supports relationships. At the root of this statement, is the observation that for the majority of human beings, both male and female, we are not taught how to express our needs and strategies whereby everyone involved gets their needs met. We have a society largely built on who’s right, a game of competition and winning.  We talk about winning an argument. In separation and divorce, sometimes people take the position of getting as much for themselves as they can. Negotiation and compromise are words often used.

In our society, it is my observation that the majority of people haven't been educated in the area of relationships. I know I wasn’t. And, the same is true with all of the clients that I have worked with.

People lack skills in many areas to create Emotional Intelligence, to be able to manage their emotions and be able to communicate their feelings and needs and more importantly to understand the real needs of the other party.

There are often many challenges when someone is looking to leave a relationship.  Generally, one partner is unhappy and wants change, the other partner may or may not be happy and is wanting to maintain status quo with the relationship to meet their own needs.

One of the key benefits of working with someone through the process of separation is that this person is outside of the circles of family, friends, colleagues, etc so that they can be more objective.  Whether the person is a Marriage Counsellor, Couples Therapist, Relationship Coach, Psychologist, I believe that they need to come from an ecologically sound place where they have a mantra that goes something like; “Doing what is best for the kids, what is best for the family, what is best for my partner and what is best for myself.” Having a mantra like this means that you and the professional will always be looking for strategies and approaches to meet the needs of everyone involved.

As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest challenges around relationship breakups is that they can get very emotional charged. For a person to get to the point where leave, they are going to be in pain that has probably built up over a period of time. Their partner is likely to be in their own pain, whether they like to admit it or not. So, having two people in pain is often a recipe for disaster.

Having an independent outside party, be able to witness and acknowledge the pain of the person they are working with can go a long way to minimising potentially heated confrontations, as the shit hits the fan, so to speak, as the separation process proceeds.

The professional, operating from a place like the mantra above, can be like a beacon in a storm, a rock providing stability, insights, new ways of looking at the situation, additional choices in ways to act and turn up. They are a sounding board, knowing and holding that all parties' best interests are considered.

A professional working in this area will have the experience of many different cases and be able to plot a course that can help you to navigate the minefield of separation better.

There is a huge difference between and an amicable separation and a nasty one.

In an amicable separation, the needs of all parties are largely going to be met and ideally, there will be strategies to ensure that this remains so.

The cost can be extremely high if things go wrong and head down the nasty path. The financial cost, emotional cost, stress, time and the list goes on.

I believe that as human beings, at the heart of us is love, and a genuine willingness to contribute to the wellbeing of others.

However, sometimes this can be lost in pain and, it takes skilled people to bring this back on track.

Call Keith on 1800 101 902 for a free 30-minute consultation to see how you could benefit.

Or, submit an enquiry on his website: http://www.keithflynn.com.au

Keith Flynn BSc, Dip. Hyp, is a Relationship Specialist and Coach, who use Hypnotherapy and other time-proven approaches to help people create the best possible environment during the separation process.