Once you have decided to separate you will need to move on a couple of matters rather quickly.

This should be on your IMMEDIATE to do list

 

Joint Accounts

If you have any joint accounts be aware that your ex has access to them and funds held within those accounts may disappear overnight. One of the worst things you can do to antagonise your ex is to clear all funds out of any joint accounts. This is only going to make the situation go from bad to terrible and will make getting through the separation period towards the final divorce just that much more difficult. It is a decision you will have to make yourself, as to how much money you remove from the joint account upon separation.  If you have a job, any earnings paid directly into a joint account should be redirected to a new account you have opened.  Make sure you give the human resources department at your place of employment, instructions in writing, so that there is a record you have directed any future earnings to be paid to this new account. Give them the bank account name, the branch BSB number and the account number. All you have to say is that you have changed banks if you don’t want them knowing you are divorcing but be sure that you open the account with another bank other than the one where your joint account is held. Often, I see advice indicating that you should close any joint accounts. This isn’t as simple as it sounds because banks and financial institutions need both signatories to sign off on the closure of a jointly held account.

Budgets

You need to ascertain rather quickly the funds you will need to support yourself and your children, if you have any, and if you are not an income earner. Cutting off a spouse from funds when they have no other source of money is a strategy employed by some ex’s to get a spouse to do what they want. Sit down and carefully think through what you need on a weekly basis such as groceries, petrol, train fares; then monthly for items such as rent or mortgage payments; then quarterly for things such as utility bills, health insurance and school fees; and finally yearly for items such as home and car insurance, ambulance cover etc. There are a number of different budget planners available free on the Internet that can help to prompt you as to the things you may pay for but have forgotten about. When you commence discussions with your ex, one of the first things you will need to do is to negotiate money in order to pay for day-to-day living expenses you for and the children.

Emotional Assets

During your life you will have collected or been given what I call “emotional assets”. These are those keepsakes, heirlooms, gifts, physical memories; the sort of things you can’t live without but the type of things, which would easily be destroyed by an angry ex on a mission to hurt. Anything, which would break your heart to lose, should be removed from harms ways and kept either in a storage locker or in a safety deposit box at the bank if it can’t be left with a trust family member or friend.  When people are angry they do stupid things so leaving sentimental valuables about within easy reach is a temptation for some to strike pain on another, which simply cannot be resisted. Protect rather than lament, is my motto. 

Documents

This is a really important step and one that must be acted upon without fail. Don’t think for a moment that once the “separation” word is uttered that your ex will act decently if your relationship has had the element of control in it. If you get a chance even before the act to separate has been discussed, go through your family home and search for any documentation relating to bank accounts, shares, investment accounts, loan applications, your mortgage, business records, insurance premium documents, everything and anything you can get your hands on relating to finances. It doesn’t matter if it’s old or new; just take a copy of everything you find and then sort through it at a later date with your divorce professional (whether that be your lawyer and/or forensic accountant). If you were left in the dark about money during your marriage and/or your relationship was overshadowed by your spouses’ controlling behaviour then the chances are that money may have been hidden or moved to where you were not meant to find it. If you don’t copy any financial documentation you find in the family home after having had a good look around for it, then it is absolutely going to disappear once you start speaking about separation and then you can pretty much be assured that trying to get information from your spouse without a subpoena is going to be a fruitless task.

Remove any passports for you and your children and keep them out of the family home. Don’t destroy them but keep them preferably at the bank in a safety deposit box as family and friends may feel intimidated into giving them over to your ex.

Passwords and Computers

I say this to clients; change your passwords on everything. If you think your ex was a non-techy person and wouldn’t know a computer from a tree, then think again. Anger and revenge turn people into determined and creative beings. If your ex wants to know what you are up to they will start by trying your standard nicknames, pets and children’s names anything they think you may have used to come up with a password. Change the passwords on third party accounts such as those held in the cloud or accessed via the Internet and change the passwords you use to access any computers. Delete the “history” of your Internet usage on computers, mobiles and ipads your children may take with them on visits to your ex’s new home.

Stop using your email accounts and create new ones. Don’t even bother just changing the password on these…just stop using them! You don’t want your ex knowing what you are saying to your lawyer or forensic accountant. Chances are if they don’t know your password on the old account they may be able to figure it out so stop using the account all together and open a new one full stop.

The Family Home

If your ex has moved out, change the locks on the family home, especially where the separation was not mutual.  Change the combination number on the security system and the remote access code for the garage door especially where there is a entrance from within the garage leading into the family home. You don’t want them entering the family home when you are not there or when you are not expecting them.

Proactive not Reactive

Be proactive and not reactive in your separation preparations. Things will move quickly once those words have been spoken so you don’t waste any time. Do what you need to do quickly and quietly and don’t think for a moment that your ex won’t be thinking strategically. For some, it’s a battle for their pride, which is why they don’t want you thinking clearly or with purpose. They want to win and they want you to suffer.  

 

Written for Divorce Resource by,
Elizabeth Camillo, CPA
Forensic Accountant in Family Law
http://www.ecamillo.com.au/