Schoolies, or Leavers as it is known in WA, is about to drop and separated parents should aim to put their differences aside, get on the same parenting page and start talking to their teens now to ensure that their child has a great experience and stays safe.

 

When and where?

Schoolies Dates for 2018

• Week 1 (17 - 24 Nov) - QLD Schoolies
• Week 2 (24 Nov - 2 Dec) - NSW & VIC Schoolies
• Week 3 (1 - 9 Dec) - NSW & VIC Schoolies
• Monday, November 19th to Thursday, November 22^rd – WA Leavers

Schoolies functions are being held at the following locations:

• Lorne
• Phillip Island
• Torquay
• Rye
• Port Stephens
• Coolum
• Noosa
• Magnetic Island
• Phillip Island
• Mooloolaba
• Cairns
• Whitsundays
• Dunsborough
• Rottnest
• Gold Coast
• Byron Bay

and exotic international events in

• Bali
• Fiji
• Vanuatu

as well as many pop up party zones around the country.

 

What is Schoolies (or Leavers)?

For separated parents, it’s important for both parents to understand what Schoolies is and how your child intends to participate … assuming they want to. 

There are more children across the country who don’t attend than do, but no teenager who‘s desperate to go is going to tell you that.

According to the official Schoolies website,

“Schoolies is a chance for your child to celebrate their independence, academic achievements and ultimately have a great time with their closest friends who they may not get to see as they enter outside the world of School!”

This isn’t the answer I was given when I canvassed a handful of kids who attended in the past few years. Here’s what some of them had to say:

“It’s a giant piss up with your mates. There’s plenty of fun to be had, but there are also some fairly serious hazards for less streetwise kids. Get it why parents freak out a bit when they see the pics on the news of wasted teenagers on balconies but yeah, most people are fine. Don’t know if I’d be bothered again.”

“Never been offered so many drugs. It’s everywhere and some really hectic stuff. Mainly from ‘Toolies’ (Too old to be Schoolies). Had a blast though.”

“Off their face girls crying, and drunk blokes being dicks! That about sums it up for me.”

“My girlfriends and I had a brilliant time. Such a great party and everyone was pretty well-behaved. Even the cops were getting into the spirit, dancing and letting us take selfies with them. One of them even let us stage a pretend shot of me getting arrested to prank Mum. Made me send a smiling selfie straight after it though. All good!”

And, on the less remarkable side of things,

“To be perfectly Francis, not as much fun as I thought it would be. The lines were too long and after two days, we didn’t even go to the organised events coz we were too hammered from the night before. We just chilled in our own place. Good Times!”

One thing they all agreed on was that The Red Frogs were awesome!

“Highlight was The Red Frogs who came into our rented house in the morning, did most of the cleaning up from the party the night before, and made us batches of wicked pancakes.”

 

READ: Always Wear Shoes … and 49 other tips from Been There Done That Schoolies

 

 

Parenting teenagers through divorce

If you have teenage children, they are likely to be growing more assertive about their own agendas, who they want to hang out with in their spare time, and at which of their parent’s houses they want to stay at to best suit their social activities.

As teens forge some independence, often separated parents stop communicating directly with each other and settle for the kids making their own arrangements.

It is difficult enough to keep track of teenagers when there are two parents on watch in the same home. So, at this time challenging parenting stage it's probably more important than ever for separated parents to communicate with each other to ensure they're actually aware of their teenagers' activities.

It’s easy to assume that your angel child isn’t going to 'not quite' tell you the truth about where they are, or who they’re with, or make poor decisions and get into trouble.

I’ve done it. I thought, no, no, my child would never lie to me. Well, they did. I've been caught out (so were they! :D) So have many parents I know, separated or not.

My friend had a phone call from the police who were kindly bringing her passed out 16-year-old home in the back of their van. Her daughter had been trying to get back into a local club. Her friends were apparently inside and didn’t know she was being denied re-entry. She was underage (but had somehow managed to get in the first time) and so drunk she couldn’t remember any of it the next day. Her parents have been separated since she was 10. She’s been a model child. Both parents were told she was staying at the other’s house and neither of them checked up on it. She was a lucky girl. It could have been so much worse.

Both parents have since had a chat with their daughter and there's a new plan in place for communicating who she'll be staying with on the weekends. Probably even more importantly, there's a new plan in place for her parents to directly confirm plans with eath other.

 

Talking to your leaver about Schoolies

Before you speak to your child, have a chat with your ex-partner to gauge what their feelings are about attending schoolies and how you will manage the challenges.

When the time comes to make arrangements with your teen, try to present a united front in your approach as to whether or not your child to attend, how they will travel to and from the event, and how it will all be funded.

You may need to compromise your own ideals to set the same boundaries in each home around things such as partying limits, where and with whom they will stay and how your child is expected to communicate with you about their plans and whereabouts.

Once the details have been arranged, share between all three of you:

• the address and contacts details of accommodation

• the friends your child will be with, and

• how to contact their parents.

 

Part of the appeal of Schoolies is teenagers heading off on an adventure sans parents. For many, it will be the first time they have done so as a young adult. So, the last thing they may want is to be checking in with you every day. Let them know you understand this and don't expect an running commentary but do stress to them the importance of just touching base so that you too can relax and enjoy the week while they are partying up a storm. 

You’ve seen how fast they can snap a message to their mates. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t be expected to do the same for you.

It's worthwhile having a contingency plan in case of an emergency and an escape plan if your teen is uncomfortable with what's happening around them. Or, perhaps they just get fed-up and wants to leave - it's happened!

My personal experience when my children going off to Leavers in Dunsborough was, although I was initially apprehensive first time round, it’s an extremely well-organised event with a range of enjoyable and well-supervised activities for the kids.

The police were out in full force and did a fantastic job in ‘policing’ as well as allowing the kids to have fun. My kids and their friends had a good time. They came home absolutely exhausted, with some stories to tell, many of which I am sure are not for Mum's ears.

And, I couldn’t agree more, the Red Frogs are awesome!

 

DID YOU KNOW?: Thanks to Allens Red Frogs give out 24 tonnes of Red Frogs every year.

 

For more information, visit:

www.schoolies.org.au
www.leavers.com.au
www.au.redfrogs.com

 

Published by, Christine Weston
Founding Director and Creator of Divorce Resource

 

More reading:

Can one parent legally change a child's surname?

“Help! My ex won’t let me see my children. What can I do?”

At what age can a child decide who they live with?

7 Ways parents can help children cope with separation and divorce

Relocating to another state with your child after divorce: steps you can take

Mother's who deny fathers access to children could be jailed