Your family is probably the most important team you will ever belong to.
When that team is fractured by separation and divorce, doing your best to lead both yourself and your children through the process with as much effectiveness and integrity as possible is an admirable goal.
I have noticed a pattern in the couples I work with in mediation and divorce coaching sessions; there is the inevitable sadness of the breakup of course, but happiness follows much sooner for those who are able to focus on being 'effective' in getting through the process. This often means saying NO to either themselves or to others, in order to avoid getting bogged down with feelings of guilt or blame.
It's not easy ... but it is possible.
Even though Peter Watson is a "Leadership Frustration Buster" who specialises in training corporate Australia to be more effective and happy team leaders, I felt the tips he offers below can be readily adapted to leading your family team through difficult times.
Consider Peter's tips in terms of how they may help when you are;
- negotiating with your ex-partner
- navigating the murking waters of single or co-parenting.
Excerpt from an article originally posted by Peter Watson on Linkedin
Have you noticed that some people struggle to say no, while for others it comes naturally?
My guess is that the majority of us will sometimes find it hard to say no, especially when it feels like we are going to disappoint someone important to us.
Here are some tips for saying no:
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Recognise that a 'yes' to avoid disappointment now might lead to having to say 'no' in the future. A delayed 'no' always creates more problems than an immediate 'no'.
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Accept that you are not responsible for their disappointment. Yes, they may be disappointed but that is their problem and not yours. Don't carry other peoples burdens of disappointment.
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Before saying 'no' break eye contact, pause and reflect on why you are saying no, re-engage the eye contact and then simply say 'no' or some polite version like 'Sorry I am not able to do that task.'
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Don't give a reason! When you give a reason you are giving the person an opportunity to change your mind by taking away your excuse. If they try and force you to give a reason then use something like this. 'Because I want to keep my other commitments I need to say no to this one.'
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Practice saying 'no'. Maybe you need to start saying it to a mirror, then in small things, and eventually you will build up your 'no' muscle.
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If the person asking is your boss then you might want to try this method. 'You have asked me to do X, Y & Z. I can't do all of these well, which would you like me to drop or do later so I can do what you have asked me to do?'
I recommend the following books to help with this and other communication and negotiation issues.
Links to purchase any of these books are below:
Reference: Almost All Managers Have At Least One Career-Limiting Habit, P.10-11, HBR OnPoint, Spring 2018
Read the full article: here
This article has been republished by Divorce Resource with the kind permission of the author.
You may also enjoy reading:
Helping your business survive through death and divorce
How to minimise conflict and costs in divorce property settlement
7 Ways parents can help children cope with separation and divorce
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