How To Tell Your Kids About Divorce

Written by Ian Shann

 

Telling your children about getting a divorce will never be easy, but there are definitely things to consider before you have that particular discussion with them.

Here are some of our most important tips on how to tell your kids about divorce.

 

Be United

Talk to your ex and make sure you’re both on the same page about what you’re going to say.

The last thing you want is to have completely different approaches and information being shared with your children.

 

Tell Them All At The Same Time

If possible, tell your kids about your divorce at the same time.

Don’t tell them individually at different days and times. They need to hear it together so that they all are told the same thing in the same way.

Also, this way you avoid the heartache of your kids finding out from each other instead of from you.

 

Plan What To Say

Think about what you’re going to say. Agreeing on what to say with your ex is the best way to tell your kids but this isn’t always easy to do.

Think about how you’ll break the news, what language you’ll use and where you’ll talk to them as well.

Know the limits of what you think is suitable for them to hear and how much they will understand and tailor your talk with that approach in mind.

 

Don’t Blame Each Other

Whatever you do, don’t blame your ex. This is not the place or time to start bringing out the ‘he said, she said’ game.

Your children need to feel safe and secure despite your divorce, and showing that you can’t behave like responsible adults when you’re in the same room will not make them feel this way at all.

 

Tell Them They Are Loved

Make sure you tell your children that they are loved and nothing will change that.

Reassure them that no matter what happens, and no matter where anyone lives, they will still be loved and cared for by both parents.

 

Be Truthful

Tell your children the truth – especially if they ask you any questions.

Of course, there are ways to tell children things, and it's important to consider what’s appropriate for them at their age and maturity level, but avoid outright lying about anything as this can create trust issues going forward.

 

Be Civil

Be polite and civil with your ex while you’re telling your children about your divorce.

Show your children that you can be civil to each other despite the emotional situation you’re going through.

This will set an example for your children and help them feel like it may be the right decision for you.

 

Reassure Them It’s Not Their Fault

The most important thing you can do when you’re talking to your kids about divorce is to reassure them that it isn’t their fault.

Make sure they know your decision to get divorced has nothing to do with them and that you will both love them no matter what happens from now on.

 

Allow Them To Ask Questions

If your children have any questions, let them ask away. Help them understand what’s happening by being honest with them and making it into a discussion rather than a lecture.

This helps them feel that they can talk to you now, and in the months to come, about what’s happening and their feelings.

 

Telling your children you’re getting divorced is something no parent wants to do, but if you have to, then following these tips will help make the process easier for them and for you.

 

Mediator Perth
Author, Ian Shann, is the principal mediator and director of Move On.
Move On offers affordable and effective family mediation in Perth for separating couples.

Ian’s commitment is simple – to help keep separated couples out of the Family Court and minimise their need for lawyers, saving them time, money and anguish.
Under Ian’s guidance, separated couples are able to Move On with their lives through family mediation.

Website: https://www.moveon.com.au/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/moveonmediation

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ian-shann

YouTube: Our Channel

If you have decided to end your relationship, you should start to educate yourself. 

The First Steps through Separation and Divorce will guide you through the emotional and practical aspects you may need to address in the coming weeks, months and years.

Get a feel for what's covered: View the Table of Contents.

Divorce Australia

Click here to get your copy
       

MORE READING:       

7 Ways parents can help children cope with separation and divorce

Family lawyers urged by one of their own to steer clients towards private mediation

Five good reasons to try to resolve your family law property and parenting disputes through private mediation

Warning: Do not plunge too quickly into the trauma of divorce

How can you benefit from counselling through the process of preparing to separate?

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