That's a wrap!

I'm about to close the door on the office and head into a few days off relaxing with family and friends. Before I do, I thought I'd spend a few minutes posting a personal message, something, I don't often do.

As I wrap up the presents and the year, I wanted to take time say hello and thank you to all who have supported the page during the year.

It's been a very hectic one at this end. Some awesome highs and some sobering lows. The type that came flying out of left field and consumed me for a while there.

 

Missing the kids

Like many of you, I don't have my children over the festive season as they are far away, spending time with their dad.

Having been separated and divorced for many years now, the boys have grown into young adults and it's easier to spend Christmas without them. I still miss them though, that's for sure.

Many years ago, I developed a new tradition in our family, "Tree Night". It was intended to be an event we could have as a family that could be scheduled in on any day in the lead up to Christmas that suited the majority of family and friends. We held it a few weeks ago, about 30 of us got together to eat, drink, catch up with people we hadn't seen for too long and of course, to decorate our tree. I look forward to it every year. And, many of our friends feel the same way. This year, my partner's grown up daughters were asking me weeks in advance for a date to put in their diaries. I love it! It's turned out to be my favourite night of the year. I thoroughly recommend separated parents create a new tradition that they can carry through into the future.

You can pick up more ideas for coping with Christmas by clicking the image below.

 

So, for me, Christmas Eve will be spent with my partner's family and then a few hours in the car to visit my Mum and siblings for Christmas evening and I will enjoy it all even though the boys are away.

For you, it may all be more raw and difficult.

 

For the alienated parents

Perhaps you are one of the parents who has been spitefully alienated from your child. To you, all I can do is to offer you the apology you deserve and will probably never receive. I beg of you not to give up, on your children, or yourself. Write the card and post it anyway, send the email to your child or back to yourself if need be so that you can hand them over one day and the children will know they were loved and never forgotten. I don't know what helpful reading to suggest to help ease your pain. I found out earlier in the year that red wine and chocolate might help. Read by clicking the image below and decide for yourself.

 

For the high conflict parents

Perhaps you are the parent who cannot stand the sight of your ex and don't want them anywhere near you or your child. To you, I ask you to rethink your motivation and truly consider the best interests of your child. You may not love their parent anymore but the chances are, your children do and you have a huge opportunity to model forgiveness and graciousness. Watch the video by clicking on the image below before you finalise your decisions around the children spending time with their other parent:

 

For the parent doing it for the kids

Perhaps you are the parent who has decided it is better for the children if you concede to the other parent's wishes to avoid any conflict and not see the kids over the festive period or allow them to go off on holidays without you. To you, I applaud your concern for your children's well-being and best interests. I hope your partner will have the good grace to return the favour in future. They may not, so now might be a good time to remember that there are 364 other days in the year for you to create memories with your children. Maybe with some quiet time alone, you can start to think about your own needs. Here's some inspirational reading for you - click on the image below. 

 

What I have learnt from the children of divorce

To all parents, I'd like to share something that I have learnt over the last 10 years. While it may be painful for you now as a parent, always act with integrity, don't speak ill of their other parent and even find a compliment for them where you can. Your children will work it all out in the end. They will see both of you with all of your failings. Always keep their best interests front of mind and they will thank you and respect you for it. You may have to wait years for it, but they will!

 

For those without kids

It's not just parents who find it difficult.

There are thousands of people who haven't entered the parenting trap but face a whole array of other challenges. I have been told they sometimes feel forgotten by friends and family. They say they often watch longingly as people who are missing their children are brought into the fold by other families.

If this is you, I encourage you to seek out company; make plans to fill your time ahead of the "special day" so you are not at a loose end. That may be enjoying a meal with friends followed be a quiet time in front of some good movies, but whatever it is, have a plan. Perhaps it's a good time for you also to treat yourself or plan a bucket list for the new year. Click the image below to read 50 things one divorcee thinks we all should be doing!

 

When it's just not festive anymore

This end of year "festive" time can be difficult and stressful for many who find themselves isolated and alone. So, please, don't be afraid to say, "this is painful, I'm not coping, please help me get through this." Reach out for help to family and friends, ask the community here for support or approach one of the many 24/7 support facilities available. Find a comprehensive list of contact details by clicking the image below.

 

Thank you for your support

So on that note, I'll quit with the blurb and just extend a sincere thank you to all of you on this page for your support throughout the year. I get a real kick out of the comments, most of which I receive via PM, where I learn that a particular post or one of the blog articles resonated.

Someone who didn't get a kick out of my actions today ... well, actually, she did kick a bit, come to think of it, was my scrounging little dog, Zinzi Purple. I took her along to the vet and while I was there, asked the vet to trim a tricky curly toenail that was beyond my snipping ability. Turns out, I was right to be cautious. The vet cut too high, there was yelping, kicking and blood. Poor little thing!

Later I found her and took a snap to share with you. See below.

I'm not sure if she is getting into the Christmas spirit, or hoping to be regifted after this morning's episode! 

Wishing you and yours a safe and joyous festive season.

Much love and peace.

~ Christine