5 Father's Day tips for separated parents

 

Whoa!  We're three-quarters through the year already! Father’s Day just a few days away.

This year, it's on Sunday, September 1st. 

 

Father’s Day is a special time for families to express the love and appreciation they have for the Dads but this day can also stir up mixed emotions when the family is going through, or getting used to the realities of separation or divorce.

If it's not handled well, it can be stressful for children in addition to being difficult for parents. 

 

Many kids, even very young children, worry about how they will be able to spend time with their Dad.  If they haven't made anything at school or daycare, they may worry about gifts or cards.  

Older children worry in anticipation of tension and conflict between their parents, especially if they know they are supposed to be with their Mum this weekend and arrangements will need to be made around changing the routine.

 

It is a great opportunity for you, as responsible, loving parents to show your kids that even though you are not together as a couple anymore, you put the children first and you acknowledge and respect the role a father plays in a family.

 

5 tips to help you make celebrating this Father's Day enjoyable for everyone:

  1. Like Mother’s Day, this is a parent-specific celebration, so if possible, kids should be able to spend the day with their dad.  

    Make the necessary changes and communicate with your ex and your children. If it is possible for the kids to be with Dad the night before so they can all wake up together, that might be ideal.  Once you have agreed on the schedule, record it in writing (just sending an email is a great way to do this) so that everyone knows exactly what is happening and Dad can look forward to and make plans for some fun, stress-free time spent with the kids.  Communicate the plans to your children so they can also relax and not worry about having to ask you what’s happening.

  2. Mum's, talk to your children about what they’d like to do for their Dad on this day. Help them as much as possible in order to make their plans happen.  If you have very young children, perhaps you could ask the Dad, or one of his friends or family members how they would like the day to go. Teenage kids should be able to take some responsibility for making appropriate arrangements but you're almost certainly going to need to give them a bit of a prod to set aside some time in their busy weekend social or study schedule.

  3. If your family had rituals around Father’s Day prior to your separation, it may not be realistic to make this year’s event go exactly the same way. Prepare to be flexible in the bigger scheme of things.  Perhaps it's time to consider establishing a new tradition instead.

  4. If the kids are staying with Mum and the parents are out of practical travelling distance from each other, it’s possible that Father’s Day may be spent away from Dad. Encourage your kids to call their Dad using Skype of any of the other video chat apps. Step away and let them have a special connected conversation with him. Kids often worry about the parent who is left alone on these special days so it is important to make sure you find some way for them to contact their Dad in a meaningful way. 

  5. Start thinking in advance of ideas for activities you might be able to do with the kids so they can give or send their Dad some small surprise gift or card they made when the children are spending time with you.  

 

It may not be high on your list of priorities to be instrumental in giving a gift to your ex-partner.  Consider it rather as a gift to your child.  If you are spending some fun, quality time with them making something for their Dad, your child will relish your company.

 

If crafting isn't your gig, try baking, collecting some trinkets, taking a special photo or anything small that you can spend time doing together.  If your kids are a bit older and less likely to want to spend the time making something, take them or send them off shopping, or to grab a card for them to write in.

You do not have to spend a lot of money but whatever you do, encourage them not to make an effort for their dad and not to turn up empty-handed. Every parent loves a hand made card – even if it is a folded piece of computer paper with a hasty pencil sketch on the front – trust me on this one!

 

Need some simple, inexpensive gift ideas?

Divorce Fathers Day
Footprint socks, handprint tree, homemade cards, Dad's shoe and child's footprint, pop stick photo jigsaw

 

 

Celebrating Father’s Day in a respectful way after you’ve separated or divorced is a perfect opportunity for a parent to show that they recognise and respect the relationship that will always remain between Dad and the kids even though the family dynamics have shifted. 

It’s the ideal chance to show your kids that despite your differences, you are prepared to put them first and that you and their father are still a team when it comes to raising them.  

 

Set aside your frustrations for this day, if not for your ex, then for your kids.  

 

If things are strained between you, try thinking of yourselves as business partners working together for the sake of the child.

 

Keep striving to thrive!

Divorce Cost Australia

Christine Weston
www.DivorceResource.com.au
Australian Nationally Accredited Mediator and Divorce Coach

 

You make also like to read:

How to combat overwhelm and anxiety attacks

How to think optimistically about your future after separation

“Help! My ex won’t let me see my children. What can I do?”

At what age can a child decide who they live with?

7 Ways parents can help children cope with separation and divorce

 

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