10 Tips to survive your first Valentine’s Day after separation or divorce

Tuesday, 13 February, 2018

There’s a series of firsts to get through when you separate. Occasions when you would otherwise have been together, but now you are faced with being on your own.

It can be confronting, and it’s normal for you to feel sad.

Whether you’re a tragic romantic who always did something special with your partner on Valentine’s Day or you think the whole caper is a commercialised waste of time and money, there is something rather sobering about that first Valentine’s Day after you’ve called time on your marriage.

These ten tips from Divorce Resource will help you to not only survive it but to thrive through this Valentine’s Day this year.

Tip #10 Don’t ask for love - give love

Break from your routine and get in touch with someone you’ve meant to call or visit.

Tip #9 Pay attention to your friendships

Remember that you have unique character and personality traits that your friends know and love you for, but when you’re going through a breakup, you may not always be your usual awesome self. Spend time writing a note to your friends and family to thank them for their friendship and support. Be sure to give it to them!

Tip #8 Be proactive! Organise a night out with friends or colleagues.

Going out in a group can be more fun than a date. Even if you are feeling a bit 'little', force yourself out of your comfort zone. Dress yourself up and step out. Or, invite a group for a fun ‘night in’. If you’re feeling adventurous, perhaps combine your night out with a date and go to a singles event where you could just meet your next great love.

Tip #7 Relax and rejuvenate

Nurture your body, mind and soul. Prepare yourself a special meal; take a quiet walk in a lovely place; run a bath and soak away your troubles. Find time to do the things, whatever they may be, that bring you pleasure. BREATHE!

Tip #6 Think positive!

Commit to letting go of negative thoughts, anger and disappointment. Spend time identifying your values and aspirations. Write it down; who are you and what do you stand for?

Reflect what you desire.

Be what you respect.

Mirror what you admire.

Tip #5 Formulate a relationship plan

Do you want another relationship shortly?

If you do, define some goals. What are you looking for in another? What do you need to do so that you are ready to be a committed part of a couple? Tell your friends and family that you are ready and willing. Start accepting invitations and inviting others to socialise.

If you are ready to reach out towards a new relationship now, take the first step and send a card, flowers, gift, message or even just a smile to the person you fancy.

Tip #4 Kick Ass!

Alright, so you’re not happy with where you are right now!

Fair enough but don’t wallow in your self-pity.

Pour that energy into making your world a better place.

Right now.

From this moment.

Stand in front of the mirror and actively dispute that this is all you deserve. Choose an affirmation that works for you. Repeat it three times out loud. Complete this exercise by raising a glass and toasting your awesome self! In short, congratulate yourself for how far you’ve come so far!

Tip #3 Send yourself a gift

Send yourself flowers, chocolates the Sidchrome socket set you’ve always wanted. Don’t tell another living soul or one day; it will come back to haunt you. If you are feeling low about being single on Valentine’s Day then why not spoil yourself?

Your friends or colleagues will wonder about your secret admirer, and you get a gift that you like.

Win! Win!

You’ve recently separated, it’s the perfect excuse for a little bit of madness!

Tip #2 Put it into perspective

February 14^th is just another day of the year so why not treat it as such?

There is absolutely no reason why you need to acknowledge or celebrate Valentine’s Day.

You won’t have to go far to find many people who agree that it’s an over-hyped phenomenon designed purely to play to our insecurities and whip up a spending frenzy.

Choose to disengage if you like but don't be miserable about it and spoil the fun for others who are feeling the love this year.

And our top tip ...

Tip #1 Spread joy

Give one compliment to each person you meet on Valentine’s Day. Call, visit or send a cheerful note to your friends to thank them for being part of your life. Treat yourself and the special people around you.

Forgive the people who have wronged you. Accept the apology you're not likely to get. You may choose to tell them, but you don’t have to. It is for you, not them.

If you're really feeling dark about your ex, bring some real light into your life. Crank up a bonfire and purge the trash into it. Invite your mates over, roast marshmallows and raise a toast to the new you!

And most importantly, SMILE! Who knows what a bright and smiling you might attract into your life?

Christine Weston Divorce Resource Split Kit